Arnold asked me to go to Fort Meade (an Army Base) as they were having problems with the Electrical Engineer that had designed the high voltage replacement part of the Contract. So I moved there. It took about 2 weeks for the NSA (National Security Agency) to clear my background to get a gate and building pass. When I could finally get in I found out that our Crew had to have NSA Security Guards with us everywhere we went. The different colors on the ID Cards got you into different floors and rooms. If 1 worker needed a rest room we all had to lock up and go with them and the guard. This got to be very time consuming and ate up a lot of our time.The thing that I found most astounding there was their café / coffee break room area. It was large and had pool tables, ping pong tables and lots of pinball and electronic games. But what I found to be very unique was their cold drink dispenser. You could insert 1 quarter and choose your brand of bottled or canned beer. Those NSA Employees. It was a conversation I had had with Dominants before Him, but this time something was drastically different. I felt a closeness to Him like I couldn’t believe. I found that I could tell Him anything and He wouldn’t judge me or feel I was too much trouble. Even though each day these feelings of trust grew, it still took me weeks before I could bring myself to tell Him that I had once enjoyed this now hated and dreaded activity.Dick had taken so much from me, including running off and disappearing with our precious children. It has been years since I have seen those sweet faces. I long and dream of the day we will all be reunited. He has ripped away my sense of safety, my self esteem, trust, and enjoyment in the simplest of things. Each thing I struggle with that has it’s trouble spots originating from his terroristic manipulations, I find that I also struggle with making them hard limits. It is like still allowing him to have a say or a power in what I do. And as Master and I talked.
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